12. Incomprehensible




Humans are sometimes called “the thinking animal”, meaning we are more self-aware than other creatures. Without sobriety, I did a lot of unthinkable things. Afterwards, I never knew exactly why I did them. Despite being a thinking creature, my actions were incomprehensible.
The definition: “Incomprehensible – Not capable of being taken into the mind”
“Why did I say it? Why did I do it? Why? Why? Why?” This was my internal dialog. I would interrogate myself, hoping my mind would answer my mind’s own questions. It did not work. I never knew why.
Then after I got sober, I recognized I was often asking the wrong question. I was trying to solve unsolvable problems. I was asking people to give me what they did not have. Or to receive from me something they did not want. I stopped feeling puzzled. I could intuitively handle situations that used to baffle me.
Wanted to draw this change in my thinking, but how could I show any type of thinking? The answer came to me through prayer and meditation. I envisioned a door with a lock on it. Generally, if you don’t have the key then you cannot open a locked door.
But you can.
I know that with a hammer and screwdriver, I can remove the pins in the hinges and the door will open. It’s not how I would normally open a door. But if I am faced with a seemingly unsolvable problem, I should be prepared to try something out of the ordinary.
It works. And I stay sober. And I think God for that.

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